Any Given Sunday…
Friends of Zachary,
It’s been almost 6 weeks since Zachary’s passing and we are managing as well as can be expected. We recently went to the cemetery to pay him a visit. I was joined by my wife Deena, son Matthew and Grandparents Lila and Jeff. We had been a bit hesitant to go considering the wounds are still very much raw. We felt it was necessary to pay a visit considering this will be a consistent part of our regular routine. No time like the present. We walked up to the burial location with a bit of hesitation not sure what our initial reactions would be. It’s interesting to see how you react once you are staring down at a plot of dirt where your son is in his “final resting place”. Although we did not discuss how we felt, I sensed we all had a different reaction and expectation of the initial visit.
I think many of us react very differently when you visit a loved one. I think age and circumstances dictate the state of mind when you try to rationalize why your loved ones have passed. By no means am I diminishing the pain and anguish one feels from anyone who has suffered a loss but when you stare down at a burial plot with a loved one who has lived a full life vs.a young child who’s life hasn’t even begun, the conversation takes an entirely different direction and meaning. There is a natural order when a parent or grandparent passes. A life has been lived. Memories have been made. Children have grown and many take comfort knowing that loved ones pass peacefully with dignity, honor and courage. Certainly there are exceptions to the rule that this is not always the case but we strive to provide these mechanisms in an effort to manage a loved one’s life “the right way”.
My discussion with Zachary was simple. I shared with Zachary about my broken leg, the many wonderful things the community will be doing for us in an effort to preserve his memory, my change in career as well as a host of other meaningful and relevant topics. I must admit, I did not feel any better or worse after our visit. When I looked up at my family, there was a sense of “you did the right thing” as though Zachary was right there having the conversation with me. The time spent seemed to be more out of obligation vs. a continued effort to connect with the hope that buy some miracle we would have received a “sign” or the “acknowledgement” that Zachary was aware of our presence. Do I regret I had gone…No, because there were deep and vivid memories associated with the funeral and it was the closest point at which I would come to be with Zachary in the world we are presently in. For that reason only…I found it more valuable than not.
Please do not take this post too literal as I feel connecting with loved ones passed is extremely therapeutic and a necessity to remain close to those that have made such an impact in your life. I am just sharing my first visit and the impression I personally had during my time there. What we would give to have one more hug, kiss or stare with our little boy. Priceless!!!
Yesterday is gone, live for today, let tomorrow be your inspiration and future.
Our Sincerest Appreciation,
Deena, David, Matthew, (Zachary) & Molly
“It Takes A Village”